The Trip That Never Was
Sept. 23, 2007
by Morgan Ward
Well it was a beautiful day for hiking and since we had finally decided upon a location to hike to we were ready. We met behind Burruss but thought that no one was coming because we were the only ones there. After waiting a while Whitney showed up and then a few other people we didn’t know. You know us cavers we never turn any one away if they really want to come on a trip.
We jumped in our cars and headed out. On the way we didn’t kill any innocent animals or break down. This was probably due to not having Bob in the car with us and that Kelton is no longer pimping the “death van.” That’s right y’all no more “death van” for us.
Any way we got to the place and began to hike. Not to long after hiking through the amazing beautiful wilderness we began to hear something. It was a deep breathing noise with a hard patter that was following close to us. We just thought at first it was other hikers or a bunny but we thought wrong. We kept hiking and ran across a bunny hole. We were sure at this time that we were being followed by the bunnies well not followed they were just trying to go home. So we hid in the bushes and waited to see if they ran in their hole. Nothing happened and the noise had disappeared. We decided to continue on since it is a pretty long hike to the waterfall.
After more hiking we finally made it to the waterfall. Kelton decided it was to cool and too good a rock face not to climb, so up he went with Whitney not far behind. They were soon to the top and then realized it was going to be hard getting back down. They decided the only way to do it was to jump. Iâ€™m at the bottom yelling the whole time that this thing has been a bad idea from the start and the new people are all huddled together crying and shaking. So while I try to console them and explain to them that Kelton and Whitney know what they are doing I am also trying to keep an eye out for those crazy kids at the top. Although Iâ€™m trying to convince the new guys about their skills I also know how crazy they really are.
All of a sudden we hear a splash then another one. At first I thought they had jumped and I was waiting for one of them to come up hurt and the caving club to be put on probation again but they hadn’t jumped. Whitney had decided to climb down first and her hand hold had broken so she had pushed away from the ledge just enough to land in the water. Kelton the chivalrous fellow that he is had dove into the water from the top to make sure Whitney was ok. Pretty stupid on his part since he probably could have been hurt worse than her.
Any way after he helps swim her out Whitney and Kelton get all weird around each other because Whitney thought he had just saved her life and Kelton was all like yeah look at me I just saved someone. So it was weird. Good thing it is was warm outside or those two would have frozen on the way back to the cars. Any way we calmed the new guys down and convinced them that Whitney and Kelton were fine and we weren’t going to force them to stay in the club now. You know the normal thing we have to do after traumatizing people.
Any way on the way back we hear the breathing again and all of a sudden we realize what it is. It was the biggest bear we have ever seen. It was just chillin in the middle of the path. We had brought along this broom stick that Kelton was keeping in his vehicle, we used it as a walking stick but now it was our only weapon against a massive bear. Well the new guys were all peeing in their britches by now but since Whitney, Kelton, and I are skilled bear fighters we weren’t that worried. We knew that Whitney has the ability to talk to bears and we didn’t have time to explain to the others why we were so calm. Well Whitney began to reason with him but she accidentally got his dialect wrong and he charged us. I was standing in front of the group with the broom stick and the bear grabbed it from my hands and bit it in two. Well I grab a broken piece and stood up, I had been knocked down by his powerful ramming. Whitney was talking in bear so fast and finally she got his dialect right and found out he was just hungry. Well since we had found the bunny hole Whitney thought it won’t hurt to sacrifice a few bunnies for our survival.
She told the bear we would lead him to the hole as long as he promised he wouldn’t eat us. The negotiation ended and this was our final deal, “we would lead him to the bunny hole but wait there until the bunnies were eaten and he was sure we weren’t just tricking him.” So we lead the way and finally got to the hole. We waited while he dug out the hole a little more and finally got hold of a fluffy bunny. We ripped its head off and ate it in one gulp. After we watched him massacre the entire bunny family he let us go and we sprinted back to our cars. We didn’t speak the entire way down.
Once back in our cars we looked at each other and busted out laughing. By us I mean Whitney, Kelton, and I. We had left the new guys with the bear because we decided they were to lame to even live. So that was our hiking trip and we drove back to JMU and lived happily ever after . . . ha-ha, just joking, we didn’t go because only Whitney, Kelton, and Me showed up. But it still made for a great trip report don’t y’all think. Here is the real one, Kelton and I sat in his, I’m not sure what to call it; truck, car, vehicle, INSERT WORD HERE and Whitney stood at the window and we talked about what a beautiful day for hiking it was and then we decided we would just do our own things. So there you have it.