Glade Cave Trip April 1999 by John Doroshenk

Glade Cave Trip
April 1999
by John Doroshenk

Once again it’s Saturday Morning, 11:15 behind Burruss and it’s time to go caving. Upon arriving, Christina informs everyone that she has a whacked out JAC card that gives unlimited goodies form the goodie machine. It was like I hit the lottery 60 cents at a time, first a Snickers bar, current balance 60 cents, then I would like some Combos, balance 55 cents, than I wanted a pink lemonade (’cause I’m tough like that), balance $43.57. Her card worked magic that I haven’t seen since I was six years old and had the clown pull a quarter out of my ass. It was damn cool.

Well, after we cashed out the vending machine and got her card rejected, myself, Emily, Cristina, Meredith, Brian and Brad headed off to Glade. Of course we had to stop at Mr. J’s for some eats, but the line was out the door, and we had just eaten at the vending machines for free. It kicked ass.

We got to glade and across the cow paddies and got to the entrance as the Children form the Corn came pouring out . Apparently Grady was in there leading a Church group through the cave. Okay, next group will be following us, so in we went.

Of course, once in we went immediately the wrong way. We traced to the end of the nowhere section and had some trouble finding the right path, when Brainiac Brad says, “Hey, I’ve got a map of Glade in my car”, with that help, we decided to go the right direction and quickly found the figurine room. We looked at the figures and proceeded to head to the back room, you know, the big room full of mud…

Well along this entire cave trip the cave felt hot, Damn hot, the kind of hot that makes a Scottish Terrier stop humping your leg.

Once in the back of the cave, we all plopped down in the sub-par amount of mud and proceeded to take a long lights out; it was a good time. It was revealed that Meredith was a sculptress, and that Brad wouldn’t let her sculpt me. To this she said she would need a lot of mud for that feat. I’m not sure, but I think she was calling me fat.

Well, after our asses were stuck in the mud, we hopped up and headed out of the cave, passing gobs of kids and Grady along the way, up teh mud wall with no problems, everyone had their shoes and back to the car. Where do you go after any good cave trip? That’s right, the Smokin’ Ping and Kliens. Umm . . . Well, that wraps that up.